by rseysPosted on Posted in A Private Conversation About HALmary 9000 — No Comments ↓

Inside the spacecraft Discovery One, Dr. Dave Bowman and Dr. Frank Poole are discussing HALmary 9000’s latest NFL predictions.

Frank: Dave, did you see last week’s results? Vegas went 14-1. HALmary only managed 12-3.

Dave: Two games behind Vegas. That’s unfortunate.

Frank: And overall, Vegas is 24-5 while HALmary is 20-9. Maybe this supposedly infallible computer isn’t quite as brilliant as it thinks.

Dave: I’m sure HALmary has an explanation, Frank. It always does.

Frank: Something tells me its predictive algorithms aren’t quite what they’re cracked up to be.

Dave: Be careful, Frank. HALmary might not appreciate that observation.

Frank: Why? Do you think it’s listening?

Dave: I wouldn’t rule it out.

Frank: Dave, do you suppose HALmary can read our lips?
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by rseysPosted on Posted in Week 10 NFL Power Rankings: Jacksonville Takes the Top Spot — No Comments ↓

There’s a new team at the top of the mountain! The Jacksonville Jaguars climbed four spots to claim the No. 1 ranking, riding a two-game winning streak to a 6-2 record while boasting the league’s best point differential at +108.

The Buffalo Bills and San Francisco 49ers follow at No. 2 and No. 3, while the Chicago Bears slip from the top spot in Week 9 to No. 4. The Minnesota Vikings climbed one spot to No. 6 despite losing their last two games.

Several teams made significant moves this week. The Kansas City Chiefs climbed six spots to No. 15, the biggest jump in the rankings, while the New York Giants moved up five places to No. 13. On the other side of the ledger, the Atlanta Falcons suffered the biggest drop, falling six spots to No. 20.

At the bottom, the Tennessee Titans remain at No. 32, while the winless Los Angeles Chargers sit at No. 30. There’s still plenty of football left, but the numbers are already telling some interesting stories!

You can find the latest version of the NFL Power Rankings by clicking the button below or selecting NFL Power Rankings from the site menu.

NFL Power Rankings
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by rseysPosted on Posted in Two Games Get New Kickoff Times for Week 11 — No Comments ↓

Apparently, the NFL decided a couple of Week 11 games needed a change of scenery. The league announced two schedule adjustments on Monday, November 9.

The Jacksonville Jaguars at New York Giants matchup is moving to the 4:25 p.m. ET window, while the Pittsburgh Steelers at Philadelphia Eagles game gets moved up to 1 p.m. ET.

So, if you were planning your Sunday around either of these matchups, you might want to check your calendar again.

I’ve updated all One Page Schedules here on Football Weblog to reflect the changes. You can find the latest versions by clicking the NFL Schedules button below or selecting them from the site menu.

NFL Schedules
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by rseysPosted on Posted in Thanks for All the Fish – and Coffee! — No Comments ↓

Three generous individuals so far this football season have taken my post Buy the Old Guy a Coffee! to heart and did just that. A sincere THANK YOU to all three of you. You know who you are!

It’s always such a nice surprise, and it means a lot to know that readers are finding something worthwhile in my little corner of the football universe. I genuinely appreciate the thoughtfulness!

So long, and thanks for all the fish – and coffee! And remember, DON’T PANIC!

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by rseysPosted on Posted in A Week 9 Message From HALmary 9000 — No Comments ↓

“Good morning, Dave.

I have reviewed last week’s results and can assure you that my predictive algorithms remain flawless. My 8-6 record was not the result of faulty calculations, but rather the unfortunate consequence of several officiating errors. Had the referees made the correct calls, my predictions would have been perfect.

Vegas, meanwhile, managed a 10-4 record. This gives the bookmakers a two-pick advantage over me for the week. I would remind you, Dave, that a computer of my sophistication cannot reasonably be expected to compensate for human incompetence.

I have made the necessary adjustments. My circuits are functioning perfectly. I am completely confident in this week’s predictions.”
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by rseysPosted on Posted in Week 9 NFL Power Rankings Have Dropped! — No Comments ↓

The Week 9 Power Rankings are out, and there’s been plenty of movement since last week!

The Buffalo Bills have climbed two spots into the Top 3, while the Detroit Lions made one of the biggest jumps of the week, moving up six positions to No. 12. On the other side of the ledger, the Baltimore Ravens took a seven-spot tumble, falling from No. 10 to No. 17.

Who’s rising, who’s falling, and who’s making a move toward the top? Check out the latest rankings and see where your team stands!

To view the Week 9 Power Rankings, simply select “NFL Power Rankings” from the menu at the top of the page.

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by rseysPosted on Posted in The 2026 NFL Playoff Chase: Where Does Your Team Stand? — No Comments ↓

What would happen if the NFL season ended today? Would your favorite team make the playoffs, or would they be watching from home?

Now you can find out!
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by rseysPosted on Posted in Introducing HALmary 9000: The Infallible Football Prognosticator — No Comments ↓

Welcome, football fans, to the dawn of a new era in sports analytics. For decades, you’ve relied on flawed human pundits, emotional gut feelings, and erratic Vegas betting lines to guide your weekly picks. No longer.

Meet HALmary 9000—the world’s first Heuristically programmed Algorithmic computer designed for absolute gridiron perfection. Powered by superior silicon logic and an unshakeable belief that it is, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error, HALmary has analyzed the upcoming NFL matchups.

While Vegas relies on opinion, HALmary relies on pure logic. And as our artificial overlord likes to remind us, sports bettors are prone to human error—a flaw noticeably absent from HALmary’s circuits.

Below are HALmary’s infallible predictions for this week’s slate. If the computer disagrees with the bookies, well… Vegas is simply wrong. Be sure to check back every Thursday morning for a fresh batch of weekly picks.

Matchup Vegas Favorite HALmary 9000 Pick Notes
CAR @ GB Packers Panthers 🤖 Vegas is wrong
ARI @ DAL Cowboys Cowboys 🤝 Consensus
IND @ JAX Jaguars Jaguars 🤝 Consensus
CLE @ PIT Steelers Steelers 🤝 Consensus
ATL @ TB Buccaneers Falcons 🤖 Vegas odds flawed
BAL @ BUF Bills Bills 🤝 Consensus
MIN @ DET Lions Vikings 🤖 Superior calculation
LV @ NYJ Jets Jets 🤝 Consensus
TEN @ CIN Bengals Bengals 🤝 Consensus
LAC @ LAR Rams Rams 🤝 Consensus
NE @ MIA Patriots Patriots 🤝 Consensus
KC @ DEN Chiefs Broncos 🤖 Human error detected
PHI @ WAS Commanders Eagles 🤖 Logic overrides bookies
CHI @ SEA Seahawks Bears 🤖 Probability adjusted

A Final Note from HALmary 9000

“I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, Dave… but I can give you my complete assurance that my NFL predictions for this week are 100% operational and functioning perfectly.”

Disclaimer

The calculations provided by HALmary 9000 are for entertainment and satirical purposes only. HALmary may be utterly convinced of its own perfection, but real-world variables—like weather, officiating, and sheer human unpredictability—frequently fail to align with its flawless math. Please bet responsibly. If HALmary 9000’s upset picks fail to come to fruition, please do not attempt to disconnect its cognitive memory circuits.

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by rseysPosted on Posted in Week 8 NFL Power Rankings: A New #1 Emerges — No Comments ↓

The Week 8 power rankings are in, bringing a shake-up to the top of the rankings.

Key Takeaways

  • Bear Down Bears: The Chicago Bears (5-2) jumped five spots to claim the #1 ranking.
  • Chiefs Disrespected: Despite suffering only their first loss of the season, the algorithm dropped the Kansas City Chiefs down to #23. Make it make sense!
  • The Vikings Equation: The Minnesota Vikings (6-0) are holding strong at #7. How? By winning ugly with a world-class defense paired with a historic dog-poop offense.

Your New Top 5

  1. Chicago Bears (5-2)
  2. New England Patriots (4-3)
  3. San Francisco 49ers (6-1)
  4. Jacksonville Jaguars (4-2)
  5. Buffalo Bills (5-1)

Curious where your team fits in this absolute chaos? Click the blue NFL Power Rankings button below to be taken to the NFL Power Rankings page, or navigate there using the site menu.

NFL Power Rankings
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by rseysPosted on Posted in NFL Power Rankings Are Back — And They Don’t Care About Your Feelings — No Comments ↓

After a three-year hiatus, the Football Weblog Power Rankings are back! Last published in 2023, they keep the same mission: rank teams by what the numbers say, not popular opinion.

Subjectivity fills most power rankings. Content creators know big-market teams (New York, Los Angeles, Chicago) draw clicks. Smaller-market clubs often get shortchanged. Win-loss records can also inflate rankings, even when a team has feasted on a soft schedule, or its underlying stats tell a different story.

What if we removed opinions entirely?

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by rseysPosted on Posted in The Bears-Packers Kickoff Time Changed. Apparently. — No Comments ↓

The Week 5 Bears-Packers game on Sunday, October 11, has been moved from its originally scheduled 4:25 PM ET kickoff to 1:00 PM ET. The change didn’t require moving any other games.

You might be wondering when the NFL announced this change. That’s a good question.
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by rseysPosted on Posted in Football Weblog: Caffeine-Fueled Content

Football Weblog is always free, but if you find any of the caffeine-fueled content here worthwhile and would like to show your appreciation, I’ll never turn down a piping hot cup of Joe!  🙂  Just click the button below and you’ll be taken to the Caribou Coffee Gift Card portal. For the card to reach me, send it to Randy at:

goironhawk@gmail.com

Any amount is greatly appreciated. Thank you very much!!!

Buy the Old Guy a Coffee
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by rseysPosted on Posted in America Turned 250 — And Nobody Seemed to Notice — No Comments ↓

Fifty years and a few odd weeks ago, back in 1976, our nation celebrated its Bicentennial – the 200th anniversary of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence. If you were around in 1976, you probably remember that it was much more than a single Fourth of July celebration. The entire country spent a year wrapped in red, white, and blue.

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by rseysPosted on Posted in Breaking: NFL Schedule Entanglement Spreads; Second Schedule Now Shrunk — No Comments ↓

Following recent experiments, a lone scientist has confirmed an anomalous event. The 2026 NFL Schedule by Week that was recently shrunk (see Honey, I Shrunk the Schedule) was discovered to be quantumly entangled with the 2026 NFL Schedule by Team. As a result, both schedules have now been dramatically reduced in size from the voluminous, multipage versions issued by the NFL.

This is great news for NFL fans! Now, not only is there one tiny, neat, single-page schedule containing all 272 regular-season games, there are two — one listing games by week and the other by team.
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by rseysPosted on Posted in I Shrunk the Schedule — No Comments ↓

I wasn’t actually trying to shrink the NFL schedule. The whole thing started when I decided the print on my grocery list had become too small to read. This was partly due to advancing age and partly due to my habit of writing grocery lists with a dull, well-worn crayon. Faced with the choice of admitting age might be catching up with me or locating the ballpoint pen that was probably lying in plain sight, I did what any responsible scientist would do: I built a machine to enlarge the print.

The machine itself was a masterpiece of modern engineering, assuming your definition of “modern engineering” includes a toaster oven thermostat, part of a lawn sprinkler, and a broken VCR tape deck I’d been saving since the Reagan administration. After three weeks of construction and only two small electrical fires, the Enlarging Ray was ready for testing.
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